I’m [not] Fine.

“How are you?”
“I’m fine.”

“How was school?”
“It was fine.”

Have you ever noticed how most people always answer with the word ‘fine’ when asked something?  Not ‘great’, not ‘good’, not even ‘okay’. But ‘fine’. You probably do it too. I know I do.

For someone who chooses all her words very carefully, I’ve always found that word to be a bit strange. Have you noticed how that word says a lot without really saying anything at all? What does it mean really? Does it mean that you’re great? That you’re doing really well? Or atleast doing okay? Or.. Does it mean that you’re not okay at all? Or maybe it means that you’re just tired of everything and how nobody even seems to notice.

Sometimes, all we want when we say we are ‘fine’, is for someone to call us out on your bullshit. For them to take a good look at us and say “you’re not fine.” The reason most people are reluctant to show how they really feel, is because nobody actually cares. This is also the reason why most people are happy with that answer. I mean, if you say you’re fine, you must be, right? They don’t really want to know how you’re doing. It’s just basic courtesy, so that they can sleep better at night knowing they’ve done their job. So that they don’t feel guilty. They did their job, and now they have other things to worry about. Like, why that guy isn’t texting them back when he said he would. Is it because he doesn’t like them? Or did he lose their number? Maybe he was never interested in the first place, and was just trying not to hurt their feelings. See? So many problems of their own. Not enough time to worry about yours too!

But then, there are others, who actually care when they ask what’s wrong. Who would be there for you and listen to your problems even if we have hundreds of our own. Who would stay up all night just to listen to you ramble on about the same things again and again. The people for whom their problems always take a backseat in favour of yours. The people who are “just fine.” The people like me.

-R