i. On days When it is stormy On the inside of my skin, And I can hear The echoes of my heart Breaking Inside my ribcage, You gently pick up The pieces Of my broken dreams Where they have fallen On the floor From the … Continue reading Letters to my mother.
It’s been 1 year, 2 months, and 21 days. And I can still feel your absence everywhere. In the tiny spaces left behind by the window in the living room that won’t close completely, in the cracks in my palm, down to the very gaps … Continue reading Heavy emptiness.
Sitting by the window, with my face pressed to the window pane
I watch as the skies cry, and I rejoice in their pain
I watch the raindrops slither, reaching the bottom of the glass
I open one window, and slowly reach out
To catch a few raindrops, in my palm
The chilly air is wafting through the open window
The lightning strikes, it’s very sudden
I pull my hand inside, in fear
I wrap a blanket around me, to ward off the chills
I see a girl from my window
Silhouetted in the street lights, dancing in the rain
With her hands outstretched
I can’t see her face, but I imagine she’s happy
She reminds me of my mother, always happy, always smiling
I wonder what she’s doing now
I look up at the skies, maybe it’s her crying
I catch a few more raindrops in my hand
“Don’t cry, mommy”, I whisper
“My hands are not big enough to catch all your tears”
Do you think she can hear me?
-The Girl Lost In The Bookstore
To all my friends, who would drop everything and come running if I was sad. You know who you are.
Hello, my dear dear friends.
This letter is not going to be sappy and emotional. Okay, it totally is going to be. I’ll try to tone down the sappiness though, we all know I’m not good at that. *chuckles*
I’ve been feeling emotional for some reason, and I was going around telling everyone how much I love them, which, lets face it, I never do. So, I thought, why not make it into a post for the whole world to know? Let them know how lucky I am?
I have no idea how to even begin putting into words how you guys make me feel. You have been there for me when I needed it the most, through all the important and the not-so-important things. You listen to me babble about random stuff, and sit there with that smile playing on your lips. That’s not even the best part. The best part is that you actually care about all those random things I have to say. And, about my crazy theories. *chuckles*
And, when I’m feeling paranoid about something and start overreacting as usual *insert eye roll*, you let me call you up and listen patiently while I list out the reasons why I think I’m justified in being paranoid, and you never once try to offer advice or interrupt me, because you know all I want is for you to listen. I can think out loud in front of you.
You never once tell me I’m being silly, or that I’m overreacting. Wait a minute, you do. Haha! What’s more, you never judge me, and you always understand. I can’t even begin to thank you guys for that. Talking to you guys always, ALWAYS makes me feel better. I can be super weird with you, and not have you running away. Most importantly, I can be completely MYSELF with you.
You guys are all the therapy I need. All those times when you guys make me laugh so hard my stomach hurts. And all those pep-talks you give me whenever I need it. You are the ONLY ones who can tell me bluntly that I need to cut the crap, and get away with it. Sometimes, the truth hurts, and you never fail to tell me that, even when others would comfort me with lies. And, I love you for it.
God, I love you guys. So freaking much. Even though I don’t say it much, I hope you know that I do. Also, I can’t imagine life without you. It would be dark and gloomy. To be quite honest, it wouldn’t be much of a life. You colour my world, in the most beautiful way possible. You guys are my family.
If this post has been dedicated to you, know that you are loved. Unconditionally. And, you better comment on this post. Each one of you. *stares you down* (No sappy stuff, please. I would prefer it if you stick to those affectionately rude comments.) Or I will kick your ass. I mean it. *stern expression* I can see you rolling your eyes and saying, “no you won’t”. *sigh*
-The Girl Lost In The Bookstore
P.S. This post is for my real life friends. I will dedicate one for you all lovely readers later. 🙂
I think this post is pretty much self-explanatory. I have OCD. It’s self-diagnosed, of course!
I had been having doubts for a while about my OCD. So, one day, I decided to look up the symptoms on the internet. I know what you’re thinking. Is she crazy? Everybody knows you never, ever go on the internet for a self-diagnosis! That’s like the first rule of the internet. Wait, is it? Well, if it isn’t, it should be!
So. I looked up the symptoms. And surprise, surprise, I had OCD. I was thinking about how to break this gently to my mother. And, I just blurted it out of course! And, it pretty much went like this:
Me: Mom, I have OCD.
That’s it. Not even an I-have-to-tell-you-something. Just straight out blurting.
Me: That’s it? That’s all you have to say?! Mom: And you know you have OCD because?
Me: I looked it up on the internet, of course!
Mom: *nods head in an understanding way* Ah.
Me: Do you not realize how serious this is? I could become Sheldon. Or worse- horrified expression- Adrian Monk!
(Yes, my mom watches all the TV shows I watch, too. And, for those of you who don’t know who Monk is, he is an extremely brilliant detective who has OCD. That guy has MAJOR issues!)
Mom: If you become Monk, I’m not taking care of you, young lady!
Me: *stands there with hands on hips and an indignant expression*
Well, that’s just amazing!
I may have exaggerated a teeny tiny bit, but let’s not go into that. *sheepish expression*
And then, I proceeded to look into it a bit more. And, turns out, OCD is not psychological, but rather, biological. Well, it’s good to know that at least I’m not crazy. Although, that’s still debatable.
But, seriously guys. I do have OCD. I mean, do you not see the period at the end of each of my titles? But, don’t worry, it’s still self-diagnosed.
This happened to me a couple of days ago. It was a Thursday. A particularly hot one. Surprise, surprise! *rolls eyes* There was some function going on in my college. I told my parents I was bunking, since we wouldn’t have any classes that day, and none of my friends were coming. Somebody we knew was getting engaged that day, and they had invited us. My parents were getting ready to go to the engagement party, and they got this genius idea that I should go with. And I thought, why not. Let me go along, instead of just lazying around at home. (I’m mentally kicking my past self for this grave error in judgement.)
So, off we went. The one hour bus journey was horrible. The function was beyond boring, and I was sweating so much, I looked like I had taken a bath in my sweat. By the time it came to an end, I was ready to get the hell out of there. My dad left for work from there. He gave my mom and I a couple of directions as to how to get to the bus stop. We were exhausted and did not understand a word he said. We just nodded along, and started walking.
Two minutes later when there seemed to be no bus stop in sight:
Mom: Well, where is it? And how do we get there?
Me: What? You’re asking ME?! I thought you knew!
Mom: Well, no. Where ever did you get that idea?
Me: Um, because you are the adult and you were supposed to be listening to the directions?
Mom: Let’s just keep walking. It’s bound to be somewhere around here.
We kept walking and walking. In the scorching hot sun. Let me repeat it again. IN THE SCORCHING HOT SUN. We asked a couple of people who gave us vague directions.
Me, occasionally: It’s so hot I can feel myself melting.
I should’ve just stayed at home.
I could have been sleeping in my oh-so-comfortable bed with the AC on. *sighs*
Finally, FINALLY, we spotted a bus stop only to realize that it had been RIGHT THERE and we could have reached it faster if we had actually followed a more direct route, and instead we had been walking in a roundabout way. Why? Because we’re idiots.
I think it’s safe to say that I won’t be making any trips on sunny days anymore.
To my oh-so-crazy family My family is crazy. There. I said it. My mom is the craziest of them all. Hmm. That might explain the reason for my craziness. So, today, I called her from college to tell her something. After about two minutes into … Continue reading Just another day with my crazy family.